Really Bad Music Vol. 1

The other day I was speaking with a friend about the sad state of pop music. We tried to pin-point the artists who were responsible for turning the radio into a bad auto-tune keroke machine.

As you may know, here on The Hater Post, Ke$ha is a popular target. But upon further reflection, I realized she is merely a spoke in the large wheel of bad music.

So I decided to start a series that highlights the lowlights of the music scene during the last couple of years. It will serve as a reminder than it was, can, and will be worse.

1.

To kick off volume one of Really Bad Music, I want to introduce you to Millionaires. This female trio started in ’07 – ’08 and they actually pre-date Ke$ha. It could be argued these girls started the trend of “Slut Pop” before Ke$ha took it mainstream. This is their song, appropriately named, Alcohol.

2.

Soulja Boy was never known for thought-provoking lyrics, but his early songs were at least catchy and the lyrics were somewhat bearable. Now he’s trying to transition beyond teen hiphop, but instead of developing more sophisticated lyrics, he’s regressing to the level of a mental patient. In his new song, “Pretty Boy Swag” not only does it have inane lyrics but it also sounds like Soulja Boy is having an asthma attack during the chorus.

3.

Brokencyde is a “crunkcore” group. Crunkcore is basically a bizarro combination of crunk-hiphop and screaming emo rock. These guys have gotten so much hate from the critics, they’ve thankfully struggled to get in a decent rotation on the radio. But beware, these guys and similar groups are lurking on the fringes of mainstream music. If one of these groups has a “Ke$ha” like breakthrough, then you can bet the rest of the pack of wolves will come running through the gates. In meantime, be very afraid of the impending doom that is exemplified in “Freaxxx“.

4.

Okay Miley Cyrus is an easy target. But for this one, it’s not so much that the music is terrible. It’s just the music video is all-kinds-of-wrong for her age and image. You can’t wear leather S&M clothes, rubbing against guys & girls, and writhing on the ground sexually, and then a few hours later go tape an episode of Hanna Montana. It’s not sexy, it just confuses most guys. It’s like seeing your younger sister in your mom’s makeup kit, wearing an oversized bra. Miley should at least wait until she finishes doing her Disney obligations before trying to appeal to adult males. But I guess she Can’t Be Tamed

5.

Insane Clown Posse has been around for a long long time and just never seem to go away completely. They’re not household names but they have had some mainstream success with a couple of their albums selling over a million copies. That’s right, a million copies. You’re probably thinking “so what?”, but after you watch this video you’re going to be dumbfounded on how they sold any copies beyond their immediate family.

To their credit, this is suppose to be an “inspirational” song. But when you have lyrics like:
“Water, fire, air, and dirt…”
“Fucking magnets, how do they work?”

… it just hurts your brain. They have good intentions, but they have the intellectual understanding of a 2 year-old. Also, while I realize the clown makeup is part of their shtick, it makes it hard to take them seriously when they’re attempting to be introspective. Feast upon the Miracles that must have occurred for this video to get made.

We are NOT Lebron…

Anybody who has been following the sports world even just moderately, knows that Lebron James is getting ready to become a free agent on July 1st. With other major NBA players like Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh becoming free agents as well, it promises to be a huge spectacle.

Originally this post was going to be about how pathetic the state of Ohio made themselves look by making their “We Are Lebron” video”. However it seems like someone realized how pitiful it made them look because “Break.com” the site that originally hosted the video has removed all instances of the clip and they’re aggressively keeping it off Youtube. Almost like it never happened…

It truly was pathetic. The video had Cleveland celebrities, local and state politicians all begging for Lebron to stay with the Cleveland Cavaliers. The sang (off-key) about how they would name streets after him. Even if the video was somewhat tongue-in-cheek, the whole video made everyone involved look pathetic for kowtowing to a spoiled multi-millionaire who already has an ego the size of Jupiter. When the state of Ohio has a lot of real problems with their economy in the toilet, maybe this video isn’t the best idea. This may explain why the video has “disappeared” from the Internet.

But just when I thought sanity was returning, here comes Mayor Bloomberg of New York with is own Lebron video:

On the plus side, Mayor Bloomburg is the only one who humiliates himself and the rest of the clip comes off as a tourist promotional video of New York. Though I still wonder how long it will be before this clip gets taken down as well.

Ironically, most basketball fans could care less about the Lebron Circus right now because Lebron is already in the wrong place. While Kobe, Gasol, Garnett, and Rondo battle it out in the Finals for another championship ring, Lebron is sitting at home for the third straight year in June, once again failing to meet expectations.

These cities may want to keep that in mind before they debase themselves to get an ego-maniacal player who has yet to win anything beyond individual awards.

Keily Williams’s New “Spectacular” Music Video

At one point or another, if you’re living in the U.S., you’ve probably come across The Cheetah Girls, a Disney Channel group of girl singers. They consist of Sabrina Bryan, Keily Williams, Raven-Symone, and Adrienne Baillon.  The group, which was formed in 2005 and disbanded in 2009, appealed exactly to their targeted demographic – preteen girls (the soundtrack to their first movie apparently sold over 2 million copies. Wha?!). With movies filled with numbers, girl  power, friendship, and moral, these singers certainly became role models for young girls.

It took me by surprise when I recently saw Keily Williams’s newly released music video “Spectacular” because the message of the video was just the opposite of all that The Cheetah Girls represented.

Here are the lyrics to the chorus:

Last I remember I was face down
Ass up, clothes off, broke off, dozed off
Even though I’m not sure of his name
He could get it again if he wanted
Cause the sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular (yeaaah)
The sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular

To state the obvious, the song is about having a one-night stand with someone you don’t remember, and you don’t even know how it happened, but the sex was just so great, prior to that was okay in her book (er, how did she even remember how the sex felt if she couldn’t remember much of that night?).

The rest of the lyrics were just as bad, if not more. The video itself is full of fail. First is her attire, which just screams ‘hooker’. Then, there’s a scene where she wakes up the morning after, not knowing where her bra is, all the while there is a butt-naked man full exposed lying beside her. And then there’s her dancing. She’s a great dancer, but then again, there’s a difference between sexy (see: Beyonce) and trashy, and this was definitely trashy.

What happened to being a Cheetah Girl? Didn’t they say they would always be a Cheetah Girl, even when the group is no more?

Reading the comments by YouTubers, they pretty much felt the same way. And so much backlash has been given to this video that Keily felt the need to respond to it, which you can view here. Here’s an excerpt:

I really just want to say, you know, sometimes to me, music can be as simple as a story relayed or imagined or elaborated. Not every song has a greater message to the world. Not every song is “we are the world.” It’s a great song. Sometimes a song can “I kissed a girl, and I liked it.” That’s great too, you know.

She goes on to talk about being a Cheetah Girl and how she’s just a messenger for this type of situation.

My beef then goes from “wow, these are horrible lyrics” to “wait, she doesn’t even believe in the songs that she sings?”

Trends that’s Got-to-Go

As the fashion queen Wilhelmina Slater herself said “Are you wearing Gladiator sandals? Are we in Ancient Rome? Will you be wrestling a lion?” while she tells the employee to take them off and orders Marc to burn them.

I have to admit these sandals were cute when they first hit the stores, but these sandals simply got overused and therefore must go. They’re still nice when they are treated as heels. However, when the straps are made of metallic snakeskin texture, it looks nasty.

Fedoras. There’s just something about them that I really don’t like. They look like cowboy hats but.. with less rim? I see them on a lot of artists, and it just bugs the crap out of me.

Maxi-Dress. With spring now in season, we’ll be seeing these dresses a lot more. Ugh. Full dresses just don’t fit well with me unless they’re for formal events, so these dresses are a no.

Ke$ha’s Maxim Photoshoot

Pop star Ke$ha recently did a photoshoot with men’s magazine Maxim. Here are the dreadful photos:

I am really really shocked that Maxim did this shoot with her. None of these photos look sexy, and to prove that the lack of appeal wasn’t just because I am a straight girl, I asked both Christopoulos and my teenage brother their opinions of these photos. Both agreed with me.

Just Take My Money!

So I recently made a purchase at a major retail chain, which will remain nameless. After this experience, I now understand why companies are going out of business. Even when you’re literally trying to put money in their register, they make the whole process drag on to infinitum.

I was attempting to purchase a moderately priced product for around $40-50. When I got to the checkout, my exchange with the cashier went like this:

Cashier: “Did you find everything okay?”
Me: “yep.”
Cashier: “What?”
Me: “”Yes, thank you.”
Cashier: “Um, you need me to help you find something?”
Me: “No, I don’t need your help. Thanks, I found everything I needed (which is why I’m in the checkout and not the customer service desk).”

Cashier: “Do you have a Rewards Card?”
Me: “I don’t think I do.”
Cashier: “Just give me your phone number and I’ll check.”
Me: “Um, sure. 555-2094”
Cashier: “Was that 2096?”
Me: “No, 2094
Cashier: “Oh okay, thanks.”
Cashier: “Hmm, nothing is coming up. Would you like to try another number?”
Me: “No, that’s okay.”

Cashier: “So… would you like to signup for the Rewards Card right now?”
Me: “No thank you, maybe some other time.”
Cashier: “Are you sure? You get the following benefits…blah blah blah blah blah blah.”
[One minute later]
Me: “Thanks, but I’m fine for now.”

Cashier: “I see there’s a service agreement available… Would you like to purchase a 3 year service agreement with your product for $29.99?”
Me: “No thank you.”
Cashier: “”Are you sure? This protects you just in case something happens to your product. Just bring it back and if we can ‘t fix it, we’ll replace it if we still have the item in stock.”
Me: “$30 is pretty hefty for a $40-50 product. Don’t you guys have a 15-30 day return policy already?”
Cashier: “”Yes, but this covers you after the 30 days.”
Me: “Doesn’t the manufacture usually have a 1-2 year warranty too?”
Cashier: “Yes, but they have some limitations. Our service agreement covers any accidents that might happen to your product.”
Me: “What if I purposely destroy my product?”
Cashier: “The agreement doesn’t cover willful acts of destruction.”
Me: “So what’s the difference between willful destruction and an accident?”
Cashier: “… … …”
Cashier: “Umm… so you won’t be purchasing the service agreement then?”
Me: “Yes, that’s correct (I said that 2 minutes ago).”

Cashier: “So you will you be paying with cash, credit, or debit?”
Me: “Debit”
Cashier: “Credit?”
Me: “No, DEBIT!”
Cashier: “Okay, just swipe your card…”
Me: *swipes card and enters pin numbers*
Cashier: “Wait, don’t enter your pin yet. “
Me: “… … … (Why did you tell me to swipe the card then)”
Cashier: “Now enter the pin”
Me: *Enters pin again*
Cashier: “… …. …”
Me: “… … …”
*awkward silence*
[20-30 seconds later]
Cashier: “Approved”

Cashier: “Would you like me to put the product in a bag?”
Me: “No thank you, I’ll just carry it. (Anything so I can just get out of here.)”
Cashier: “Here is your receipt. “
Cashier: “If you’d like, you can goto our website and enter this code on your receipt. It will allow you to take a short 30 minute survey and possibly win $500 worth of store credit on your Rewards Card.”
Me: “I don’t have a Rewards Card…”
Cashier: “Umm, oh yeah… You can still fill out the survey if you want. You just won’t win anything…”
Me: “… … …”
Me: “Honestly I probably wouldn’t win anything anyway even if I had a Rewards Card, right?”
Cashier: “Yeah, probably not…” *nervous chuckle*
Cashier: “Alright, have a good day Mr. Christopoulos”
Me: “You too… (I’ll be praying that you get a new job.)”

Aside from being a little hard-of-hearing, I don’t put much blame on the cashier. The cashier is just a tiny cog following store policy in a big machine. But too many retail stores make the checkout process a literal minefield to get through. Rewards cards, store credit cards, member cards, service agreements, purchase insurance, surveys, blah blah blah. I bet some of these stores would see more revenue if they would just take the money that’s in front of them! No need to frustrate a paying customer at the point of purchase by trying to sucker them into numerous other deals.  A $30 service agreement for a $40 product? Are we for real???

Hater Image Post #1